turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
