I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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