God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If that was your dad, he is hot
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
