Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
