Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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