I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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