Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
