His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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