Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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