Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
