What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
