the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
