Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
