You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
