I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
