party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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