There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
