That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
