i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
