sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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