dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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