I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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