Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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