He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
