so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
