Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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