i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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