you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
