Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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