How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
