her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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