is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
