so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
