Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i think i just lost a toe
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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