she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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