I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
