I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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