Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
