its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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