Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
