can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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