I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
