I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
