not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
