So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
