just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
