Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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