I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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