Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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