Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
